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Post by bonesnapdeez on Oct 6, 2022 15:24:23 GMT -5
Kusoge thread with a small stipulation. No licensed cartoon/comic/whatever crap, no obvious shovelware. In other words, no low-hanging fruit. No Superman 64, Bubsy, Ninjabread Man, etc.
This is for games that "should be good" -- think of stuff made by good/legendary developers -- but are actually awful.
I'll start.
The Tower of Druaga -- I hate this so much it's unreal. It looks like a neat little maze game and proto-ARPG, but in actuality you're tasked with performing increasingly arbitrary and pointless tasks in order to advance room-by-room to the top of a tower. Weak combat. Incredibly shitty and infuriating.
Dragon Buster -- Another Namco arcade turd. Again, this one looks like a proto-RPG (but in the Zelda II style) but plays like trash and the controls are a war crime (double-jumping by pressing up twice are you shitting me). Oh, and in Japan they had the gall to make this the gold Fami cartridge instead of Zelda. Deplorable. The sequel (which oddly seems to be modelled off of Intellivision AD&D) is significantly better.
Arabian -- Stunningly bad 1983 arcade platformer by SunSoft. Combines the typical early-80s clunky ass controls with moving platforms. Kangaroo, which came out a year prior, is more like a traditional Donkey Kong game and is much, much better.
Ikki -- Also SunSoft, also awful. A super ugly and flickery top-down action game set in feudal Japan. Unacceptable scrolling and a power-up that actually makes you weaker. I think the Fami port is slightly better than the arcade original. However it's still pretty bad. Play "The Ninja" instead.
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Post by Kazin on Oct 6, 2022 15:34:22 GMT -5
I had one of these as a kid that I still hate - Yoshi. I had the NES version. As a Tetris and Dr. Mario fan even as a kid, I was super disappointed at how boring Yoshi was, and even now I think it's actually a really bad puzzle game. Yoshi's Cookie is really good, though, so you can see that they definitely could make a puzzle game starring Yoshi that wasn't awful, but oh well. Possibly my least played NES cart as a kid.
Haunted Castle comes to mind. Punishingly, unfairly difficult with terrible controls. Good Castlevanias abound, but the arcade game is a total turd.
I always hated Sonic 3D Blast - it's not unplayable or anything, but it's quite dull and completely misses the point of a fun Sonic game, while also making you think "oh boy, Sonic in 3D? I bet that's amazing!" and it turns out it's just Flicky but with an isometric viewpoint that "feels" slower than standard Flicky (not that I knew what Flicky was in the 90s, but that's besides the point lol).
I'm sure I'll think of more, but those are the ones that I can think of off the top of my head...
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Post by anayo on Oct 6, 2022 15:45:57 GMT -5
The Tower of Druaga -- I hate this so much it's unreal. It looks like a neat little maze game and proto-ARPG, but in actuality you're tasked with performing increasingly arbitrary and pointless tasks in order to advance room-by-room to the top of a tower. Weak combat. Incredibly shitty and infuriating. Also what is it with Namco always including Druaga in their arcade compilations? Nobody wants Druaga anymore. They should just leave it in the vault. I loved 3D Blast as a 7 year old. It was kind of like getting next-gen graphics on my Genesis without buying next-gen hardware. But you're right, it does not hold up today. The only thing I like about it now is the soundtrack.
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Post by Kazin on Oct 6, 2022 15:46:54 GMT -5
Oh, right - I'll give you 3D Blast's soundtrack, it is really good.
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Post by anayo on Oct 6, 2022 17:12:19 GMT -5
Oh, right - I'll give you 3D Blast's soundtrack, it is really good. Actually while we're at it I think the Sega Saturn version of Sonic 3D Blast is an even worse "Legitimate" retro title. Aside from just not being as impressive on 32-bit hardware, they also got rid of the Genesis soundtrack.
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Post by toei on Oct 6, 2022 17:35:17 GMT -5
I like Sonic 3D Blast. Not love, but it's cool. I don't see what's wrong with jumping by pressing up, either. It's easy enough to get used to. But I also don't mind tank controls, and I think using the rear button to hit behind you in Double Dragon 2 was a great idea, and I know most people hate learning unusual control schemes.
I'm gonna try to think of some examples. There's a ton of "classics" I find vastly overrated (all of Castlevania pre Symphony, Super Metroid, A Link to the Past, etc etc) but none of them are awful, and most aren't even bad.
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Post by Sarge on Oct 6, 2022 17:40:39 GMT -5
Haunted Castle is indeed a turd.
I feel like there are some games in the PSX era that fit the bill. Something like Battle Arena Toshinden, which wowed everyone when it came out, but in retrospect is middling-to-awful at best.
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Post by anayo on Oct 6, 2022 18:00:51 GMT -5
I'm gonna try to think of some examples. There's a ton of "classics" I find vastly overrated ( all of Castlevania pre Symphony, Super Metroid, A Link to the Past, etc etc) but none of them are awful, and most aren't even bad.
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Post by Xeogred on Oct 6, 2022 18:04:13 GMT -5
Always liked Sonic 3D Blast. Holds up fine to me. I plan to play the new patched version down the road.
I think all the other 3D Sonic games are awful though. Couldn't even finish Colors which people seem to love. 3D Sonic just isn't for me at all.
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Post by toei on Oct 6, 2022 18:13:47 GMT -5
Sarge But very few people will defend Toshinden today, so it's kind of in a different category (which you already described - games that wowed everyone when they came out but in retrospect are pretty bad). There's a few things I like about Toshinden - the soundtrack is good, the character designs aren't bad (especially when you look at the 2D art in the manual and the cover) - but as an actual fighting game, it's really not good. And what makes it worse is that it got 3 main sequels and some spin-offs within just one console cycle but never improved significantly. There was an attempted reboot on the Wii, I think, that I'm curious about, especially since it was one of the last if not the last fighter made by Dream Factory - it has to be better than the old games. anayo Yeah, Classicvania kind of sucks honestly. Slow, boring, unfair. You spend more time whipping candles than enemies, movement is unpleasantly stiff on purpose, the protagonists literally jump backwards into pits when bats brush their face. Out of the games I listed, they're the only ones I flat-out dislike.
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